Personal Identity Series Chapter 3
Personal identity is a personal thing- obvi. Love is also a personal thing, and quite interestingly, how we love is a part of our personal identities. Everyone shows love in their own personal ways and- since I am on a personal identity quest- I wanted to know how I show love. What I found while researching is that, according to this one theory, there are actually 5 ways that people give and receive love. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages (you can buy that book here) and he describes the ways in which each person gives and receives love differently. Dr. Chapman’s 5 ways are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Have you ever heard someone say “Aw, com’ere, I’M A HUGGER!!!” and if you’re me- alarm bells start ringing, your muscles lock up, fight or flight systems engage- well, chances are good that that person shows love through physical touch. I imagine their “ME” bucket filled with things like cuddling, holding hands, “I’m a hugger”, etc lol. When I took the 5 love languages test, NOT to my surprise, physical touch was, like, last on the list. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy physical affection occasionally. It just means that is not the way I receive love best. My mom is a hugger. I hug her to show her love because that is how she best receives love. At some point in our marriage I was able to communicate to Derek that quality time and acts of service are how I receive love best, so that helped him to understand what he could do to show me he loves me. Then I convinced him to take the test and found out that Derek receives love best through words of affirmation. When I tell him I’m proud of him, it means more to him than if I hug him or buy him a gift. I can’t stress how important I feel it is to be able to ask for love in a way you will receive it if it’s not being given in that way- and then to also reciprocate in a way the other party best receives it. Knowing how you give and receive love, and how your loved ones give and receive love can help you to communicate your love in more effective, meaningful ways. It can add to your understanding of who you are (read this post for more about understanding who you are) and it can help you feel more confident in your relationships and more confident in yourself. Feeling loved is a major point in regards to better emotional health, as well. Take the test here to find out your love language!https://www.5lovelanguages.com/5-love-languages/Let me know if you are surprised by your results, and drop them in the comments below! For funsies, try to convince your partner or a family member to take the test and try to guess what their top love language is! Love,Jess 