What I Learned in the First 6 Months of Marriage...

This past Saturday was our 6th month anniversary!It doesn't feel like its already been half a year, but it also feels like its been longer; its hard to explain. You see, Derek and I have been together for- well, it'll be 5 years in September. When you're with someone for that long, you learn their odd rituals and their annoying habits. You experience their sweet snuggles and silly "I cant breathe!" laugh from the tickle fight you just had. You talk about wanting to get married on the edge of a mountain, and about having 3 kids and tons of dogs. You feel like you are them, and they are you. There isn't one without the other. You think about how people told you "Marriage changes everything," before you got married, and you laughed. You know your person better than anyone else does, or could. Nothing can change that.Wrong.If you've never lived with them, never shared a bank account with them, never shared responsibility with them, how could it NOT change?? You saw how your partner was when they lived with roommates, or by themselves. You saw how they were with their own money and responsibilities. Now they will have a say in your life, and you, theirs, to create a new life together. It will 100% change, and you will 100% learn more about them. Things you didn't even know you didn't know.Marriage is crazy. If you break it down and think about it: you are choosing one human that you think you know pretty well, and deciding to legally, spiritually, emotionally, and financially tie yourself to them for the rest of your life. They, in turn, choose you. You sign papers, merge lives, merge money, and then for the remainder of your time here on this planet, it is not just you that you must consider when making decisions. No wonder a lot of millennials are waiting longer and longer to get married these days! It sounds scary! And it is. But, it is also one of the most amazing- and oftentimes one of the most difficult- things there is to experience in life. I'll give you a few examples.

1. You are never truly alone. Yes, you need to spend time on your own. Its not healthy to lose yourself to your marriage. You still need to be your own person with your own interests and hobbies. How boring would it be if you and your partner did all the same stuff? Fun at the time, maybe, but what would you talk about? They were there, too, so there isn't much you can tell them. I'm not saying to never hang out with your spouse. Of course you should! They are (should be) one of your best friends! Just make sure not to get lost. Go out, do your thing, and take comfort knowing they will be there waiting on you when you get home. When you are scared/happy/sad/lonely, they are there. When you need help, they are there. When they had a bad day at work, you are there to talk it out with them or just to lend an ear. When they get hurt or sick, you are there to help them feel better. It is not just you anymore. You have each others backs, and that is pretty cool.
2. You will argue. How can you not? You have to consider someone, who may have different thoughts and opinions on some things than you do, in every.single.aspect of your life. But this means there is ample opportunity for compromise and growth. Passion. Discovery. Forgiveness. I hate arguing, and boy, have we had some big ones in these 6 months. Bigger than any we had in the 4 years before we got married. I've learned that some things can't be figured out in one go. I've learned that you cannot change your partners mind sometimes, and you need to find a way to be okay with that. I've learned that for me, sometimes the best and most helpful thing I can do, is to say that I need to take a break for a little while and then go let my head clear before resuming a discussion.
3. Communication is hard. But just about the most rewarding thing when you finally do it right. You'll know when you do it right, too. Its like you were speaking a foreign language to each other, and all of a sudden you've become fluent. Tension eases. Decisions become easier. Plans work out better. The hardest part, is that every topic, it seems, requires a different language, so you are constantly learning and adding to your "communication vocabulary". Ah, one of the many spices of life.
4. Chores are easier. Now that there are two of you, thats twice as many hands for chores! :D No, but really, I am the kind of person who likes to do things myself. You know, Mrs. Independent. In the beginning, I took it upon myself to not only work a more than full time job, but also take care of both dogs, and literally every aspect of the house. (You didn't know I was stupid, did you? Well, maybe some of you did...) Why did I do that to myself when there was a perfectly capable man living with me?!? Luckily, Derek realized I was losing my mind, and quickly jumped in to help despite my cries of "It's my job!" (thanks babe.) We now have a pretty good system going and my stress levels have significantly lessened.

The past 6 months have been hard. We've had really tough times trying to figure out money, and how to manage our time, and how to put each other first. The past 6 months have also been incredible. We got married, went to Mexico, moved to a new state, and a new city, both got new jobs, bought a house, bought a car, built a life together. We are learning more and more about each other every single day. We are becoming a team. I am so so proud of my hubby for everything he's done for our little family. I am thankful for our time together. I am excited for our future. I know we will have grown even more by the end of our first year, and I can't wait to see how it unfolds!Thanks for reading! Please share my post in the hopes that it will encourage newly weds who are in their first 6 months as well! We can do this! :)Love, Jess