Still figuring it out.

Happy December, friends!Since October when I last updated you, nothing much about my job has changed. I am still observing the Chemistry teacher, still driving almost an hour to school, still going to bed at 9pm and still waking up at 5am. I did, however, start an actual real live business.Woah.Enter- Graphic Enticement, LLC. It's a social media management company, focused on helping small businesses grow their presence/following. Check it out if you have a second (like us on Facebook), and help me spread the word to people who might need our services! (Plug, plug, plug- any Jess and Gabriel Conte fans out there? lol)I did have a mental breakdown Monday, though. I believe it was from a culmination of things. One, being that I have no outlet for stress, and nothing I do just for fun. This is my own fault and nothing is keeping me from doing such things, I just haven't been doing them. Another being that I get sucked into really deep is the meaningless of life. It's usually after I've had a really rough day/week/month/this entire time at school, when I start to think about how most everyone else doesn't know what they want to do, or how most everyone else hates their jobs as well, and then I think about how they do this thing that they hate for 40+ hours a week, most the weeks of the year, for basically about half of their lifetime, living for vacations and weekends. I can't let myself think about that anymore. It's too much. I'm going to really work on keeping that kind of stuff out of my head, and focus on mini goals that I set myself. I'm also looking for a boxing gym, because I want to get into boxing. I feel like it will help me release some of this pent-up negativity and stress.Derek and I are also implementing an allowance system. In the year that we have been married, I've learned a lot about myself. One thing being that I cannot spend money that I make on myself. Can't do it. When it was just me, and my own money in my own account, it was never a problem. I'm very good with managing money. But when we got married, we set up a joint bank account and all of our money goes there. To me, at that point, that is family money. Not Jessica money. Derek has been spending money on himself, but I still don't feel like I have permission (I do not need permission from anyone, I just feel like I do for some reason). He tries to get me to spend money as well, I just can't. So, he's been spending enough for both of us and then some. (Sorry to call you out, babe, lol.) I lasted a year before cracking and exploding and implementing the allowance solution. Now- backstory- I had wanted us each to have our own allowance type accounts from the very beginning because I had an inkling I would be like this. My mom also suggested individual accounts in addition to the family joint account. Derek did not agree with the separate accounts, so we went with one joint account. Now, we each have an allowance each month in our own separate accounts and we are also making sure we put money in our savings account each month as well. December will be the first month we have done this, so I am excited to see how it pans out. I think the amounts may need to be adjusted occasionally, but that won't be a problem. The allowance will give me the "permission" I feel like I need, because I know all of the bills are covered, and this money does not need to be used for anything else. It will also help Derek learn to manage money a little better, because it is a small amount that only he is in charge of each month. I honestly feel like it will help us cut down on extra spending as well. So, I will let you know how it goes!As for teaching, like I said above, it's still the same. I take my GACE- which is the content test I have to pass before I can get into the educational program to get my teaching certification- on December 7th. It's the Biology one, and honestly, I don't think I'm going to pass. I haven't had a Biology class in 7 and a half years. I've been studying and taking practice tests, and I remember some, but its not about remembering things. It's about truly understanding them, and being able to apply that knowledge in other ways to answer really difficult questions. I do not think I will do well, and I'm interested to see what will happen with my job if I fail. I'm not sure if they will give me time to retest, or if they will fire me. The program they want me to take starts next June, but I have to have passed the test by January to be accepted. I have so much respect for teachers. I mean, I always have, but until you are one, you just don't get it. With all the meetings, planning times, horrible kids, weird hours, etc. it makes complete sense why they also get summers off. If you don't have a heart for the kids, you'll never make it. It is mentally draining, more so than any other job I've had (of which there are many).We are looking at moving farther east to a more affordable area. Our taxes, HOA, mortgage and bills are stupid expensive. The only good thing is that where we live now is the opposite of the flow of all the traffic. When we move, we will be commuting in the same direction as everyone else on the planet. We desperately need a yard for the dogs as well. They are miserable, and we are miserable because of them. Aurora chews and actually INGESTS almost everything, so we've had to baby-proof the entire downstairs, and Luna loses her mind every time a car door closes outside. We live in a town home neighborhood, so the car door thing is quite often. We have also kicked around the idea of moving back home (talk about affordable!) but Derek doesn't have enough job experience yet. I know one day we will actually be "settled down" but I don't think it will be in the near future haha.I had a donut this morning during one of our many many many meetings, and I'm starting to feel a little more awake now. I didn't expect this to be such a brain dump, but I think I needed it, with all the stress I've been holding in. Probably should have been writing all along, and I might not have had that mental breakdown... :)Anywho, check out my new business website, Facebook and Instagram, as well as my personal Instagram (and the dogs Instagram) to keep in touch!Lots of Love,Jess